understanding ...

Matt leaves in 30 days.

I'm not sure what I feel.

I'm so so happy he's branching out and trying new things. Things that I was not courageous enough to do.

But I know that secretly ... I'm just scared.

For over 6 years, he has been by my side. I don't think I've ever gone more that 4 or 5 days without talking to him. He's my best friend. And he's leaving.

I'm not sure if I'm scared that he's leaving, or that this is the first sign that we're growing up. We're moving apart. We're moving on.

He's the only person who I've been unable to imagine the rest of my life without. I realize people grow up. I realize your friends in high school move on, and your friends in college move on. Don't get me wrong, these people will forever be a part of my life. I will always love them and will always keep in touch. But in no way do I think that we will live in Brookings forever in our little college atmosphere. I will move on. They will move on. New students will come, form connections, live in our houses and go through the same thing.

But I can't imagine a world where I get an amazing job and Matt isn't the first person I tell. Or my favorite bands just announced a concert in the area and Matt isn't the first person I invite. Or at night when I have nothing to do and Matt isn't the first person I call.

It's hard to think that the people you love the most are moving on.

Especially when you're not so sure that they will remember you the way you remember them.

I don't want to forget him. I don't want to move on from him. I've come to terms with it when it comes to everyone else ... but I can't .... I REFUSE to believe it will happen with him.

God, please don't let it happen with him.